Case of the Week
I am the father of a three-year-old son. Four months ago, his mother and I got separated because I was treating both of them badly. I was unfaithful to her over and over, and she got tired of the fact that I never changed, so she finally left me.
I’m really sorry for all I did, and I’m doing all I can to recover her love that I lost. But she says there's nothing left worth fighting for, that it’s all over and she doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t know what to do. The pain I feel and my conscience don’t let me live in peace. All I feel like doing is crying all the time, and I can’t keep from thinking of all of this. I need some advice, please!
It is good that you are taking responsibility for the harm that you caused and for your unfaithfulness. Accepting that the problem was your fault is extremely important for your future relationship with your son and his mother.
You made the same mistake over and over again, and yet continued to expect that your son’s mother would forgive you. You took a risk, and you lost. You also took the risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease and then passing it on to her. Even though you now wish that you had done things differently, you didn’t. And you can’t go back and change the past. You can only change the future.
You neglect to mention whether you are married to your son’s mother or not. If you are married, you can work hard to keep her from divorcing you. However, if you were never married, then that’s another strike against you. Were you never committed enough to her to even marry her?
The thing to do now is to work at becoming the man that your son can be proud of. Spend as much time with him as possible. Provide for him financially. Make the decision to be an excellent father who puts his son before his own selfish wants and desires. Be an example for him by never again having a sexual relationship outside of marriage.
Don’t start arguments with his mother just because you are unhappy with the way that she is rejecting you. Don’t tell her what to do or try to control her. Show respect for her and give her time. Remember that you mistreated her for years. Don’t expect her to accept you in a matter of months just because you claim to be sorry or different.
You really need God in your life. You need the strength that comes from a personal relationship and daily communication with God. Even though your son’s mother is not ready to forgive you, God will forgive you if you are sincere and ask for forgiveness in the name of His Son Jesus Christ. Jesus paid the price for your unfaithfulness and all your other sins when He died on the cross in your place. When you accept His forgiveness, your conscience will be clear and you can have peace in spite of your circumstances.
We wish you well,