I am a high school teacher. I’m in love with one of my students, and she’s in love with me. The issue is that her parents don’t approve of our relationship, which is in its beginning stages.

For the past week my girlfriend’s mother has not allowed her to communicate with me, and I haven’t seen her at school either. I need to speak to her. I miss her very much! I have even considered taking my own life, because I don’t know what else to do.

Dear Friend,

We urge you to see your medical doctor immediately. It is not normal to have thoughts of suicide. Those thoughts may indicate that you are clinically depressed, or that you have a chemical imbalance in your brain.

It is, however, completely normal for adults and teenagers to be sad when a romantic relationship fails, so your sadness is understandable. But it is never normal for a person to contemplate suicide as a solution. If we are emotionally healthy, we understand that most people in Western cultures have a few or even many romantic relationships before finding their life’s partner. During that period of time, we learn about ourselves and about what we like and what we don’t like. We can’t really know all that is important to us in the character and personality and values of a prospective mate until we have experienced such relationships. (However, this time of “trial and error” is exactly why the Bible teaches that we should not have sexual relations until marriage. God knows that sex releases chemicals in the brain that can mimic true love and trick us into accepting a partner who does not measure up to what we really want.)

You are an adult teacher and your girlfriend is still a girl dependent upon her parents. We don’t know the age difference between the two of you, but it is likely that at her current age the two of you are incompatible. Research shows that the brains of most teenagers are not completely developed until reaching twenty years of age or even slightly older. So this girl, that you call your girlfriend, likely has a brain that is not developed enough to be able to know if you are the right one for her.

If you really love this girl, leave her alone for now. True love can wait until she is at least twenty years old. At that time you can try to resume your relationship. In the meantime, focus on your emotional health. Seek group or individual counseling to discover why you are attracted to such a young girl instead of someone your own age. It is likely that you have insecurities and feelings of inferiority that are affecting your emotional health.

God loves you just the way you are. He understands what you are going through. Talk to him about your feelings in prayer, and ask for His help, strength, and wisdom.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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