I’m very confused. I met a man on the Internet who is ten years older than I am. We’ve been chatting for a month, and I’ve loved receiving his messages. He’s a very kind gentleman, romantic, and has a noble heart.

The problem is that two days ago I met him in person, and I didn’t like his physical appearance at all. I’ve told him I don’t want to continue the relationship, but he insists that I give him another opportunity. I don’t know what to do. He is the type of man that I’ve dreamed of, but I can’t even kiss him because I find him unattractive.

I need some advice. Is it possible that I could come to love him? It hurts me to think that I might be so superficial that I met the man of my life and can’t appreciate him.

Dear Friend,

We wish you had given us more information. We don’t know if the man is unattractive to you because he looks really old, or he doesn’t take care of himself and has dirty hair and clothes, or he is overweight, or he has a skin disease. But whatever the case, it is clear that you are not attracted to him.

Is it superficial to reject a potential spouse because you are not attracted to him? No. Any reason is a good reason to avoid a bad marriage. Any doubts should be considered. It is never right to try to talk yourself into a relationship.

You were right to tell the man right away that you didn’t want to continue. His feelings may have been hurt, but it would have been much worse if your relationship had been going on for a longer time.

There is a possible explanation that you may not have considered. You describe how wonderful the man is, but how could you possibly know after only a month of an Internet relationship? You can never blindly trust the words of a person on the Internet. (Read Cases of the Week 401 and 322 to find out what happened to other people who mistakenly trusted someone whom they met online.) Is it possible that something about the man didn’t match what he said to you online? Might it be that you were turned off because the man you met in person was incongruous with the one you chatted with on the web? If that is true, then your feelings were actually a warning sign.

Those who have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have the advantage of His guidance. The God of the universe knows what is best for us, and wants to help us make good choices. When we pray and ask for His help, He answers us.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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