I separated from my girlfriend two years ago. We had two children together. I still love her, but she lies to me all the time and her mother backs her up.... All they care about is what I have to contribute financially. She knows that I love her, and that’s why she taunts me. But when she is sick, she calls me and I go. I risk losing my job to help her. But once she gets better, she rejects me again. I love her and my children very much, so I don’t know what to do.

Dear Friend,

We are sorry for you, and sorry for your children who have to live without having their father in the house. Unfortunately you are paying the consequences of your unwise decisions.

It was very unwise to give up all control to a woman who now treats you as she does. When you decided to have sex with her without being married, all of this was put in motion. You probably didn’t realize what was happening at the time, but now the consequences are abundantly clear.

The situation you describe shows that she is controlling you as well as your children. When she calls, you go running. You are acting like a puppet, and she is pulling the strings. How long are you going to let her call all the shots?

We recommend that you take advantage of the judicial system in your country to seek a formal visitation plan with your children. Make sure that you spend as much time with them as possible. They need their father in their lives. Don’t talk to them about their mother and don’t use your visitation to try and get closer to her.

Concentrate on what your children need from you. Build a strong relationship with each of them. Accept the fact that their mother does not love you, but that she will use you as long as you let her. Be ready to go to the aid of your children, but do not go to her aid. If she calls when she is sick, tell her that you can come and get the children so she can get better, but don’t spend any time helping her in other ways. Recognize that she has lost all respect for you and that whatever love she may have felt for you in the past is over and gone.

Your Heavenly Father loves you in spite of your bad decisions. He wants to forgive you and give you a better life. His Son Jesus Christ died on the cross so that your sins could be forgiven. Pray and ask Him to forgive you and then to give you the strength to get over your broken heart. Find a church where the people love God and live according to His principles. And take your children there with you. You can control your own future!

We wish you the best,

Linda

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