I have been married almost seven years.... But from the wedding until now, our sexual relationship has been a problem because of a physical condition that my wife has. Even though we have consulted a medical doctor, nothing has been resolved....

The problem is not just that my wife can’t be intimate, but also that she doesn’t want to be. I love her and God, and I will not take the option of leaving her. It scares me to want to be intimate with another woman, but I am not sure how much longer I can put up with this situation.... I feel pushed to sin and, even though I haven’t been unfaithful, in my mind the sin is winning.

Dear Friend,

We are very sorry to hear about your situation. However, before anything else, we want to congratulate you on your strength of character and self-discipline. Your loyalty to your wife, in spite of her difficulties, is admirable. And your desire to follow God’s way, in spite of the circumstances, is exemplary. You say that the sin is winning in your mind, yet you have successfully fought off those strong urges for seven years. You are to be commended!

God created you with the sexual desires that you have, so do not think of those desires as sin. Temptation is not sin either. The very fact that you are asking for help demonstrates that you are not letting temptation win in your mind or in your actions. So instead of judging yourself for having normal desires, you need to give yourself credit for your success in controlling your urges.

Obviously a liaison with another woman is not the answer, which is why you have decided that you will not give in to that temptation. However, the temptation never stops and you are faced with the decision over and over again. So you are afraid that you may not always have the strength to resist.

Besides the guilt that you would feel from an extramarital relationship and the emotional strain that it would be on your marriage, infidelity on your part would sooner or later be a drain on your finances. Our suggestion will also be a financial expenditure, but a much wiser one.

We don’t know the details of your wife’s condition or of what the medical doctor told you. But we do know that there are medical professionals and even clinics that specialize in these kinds of problems. Your wife’s lack of desire is certainly related to her physical problem, and specialists can help with that side of the issue as well.

Start doing research on this problem. Search the Internet, and call doctors and clinics. Determine to leave no stone unturned to find people who can help you. Reallocate your financial resources to do whatever it takes to get the help you need.

If your wife loves you the way that you love her, she will be willing to get help even though it may be uncomfortable or even painful for her to have exams and medical procedures. She will also be willing to go to professional counseling with you, even though she may not want to. The two of you cannot conquer these problems without professional help.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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