I’ve lived my whole life walking on a tightrope with regard to my family of origin. In my house there has always been verbal abuse and sometimes even physical violence for as far back as I can remember. That’s why I’ve not yet decided to start my own family. I don’t think I’m ready, and I don’t think it would be right to start another sick family....

We all go to church, but for some reason we still haven’t conquered the ghosts and traumas of the past.... Sometimes I can’t stand it: it’s too much and I’m tired!

Dear Friend,

We are so very sorry to hear about your traumatic childhood and the way that you are still stuck in a home where there is verbal and physical abuse! Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing whether you stay there out of obligation to your parents or for economic reasons.

Do you stay in your home because you are the one who takes care of your parents and consider them your first priority? Do you believe that all the trauma has damaged you in a way that makes you unfit to be a husband and a father?

We believe that every person has the obligation to protect themselves and their loved ones from violence and abuse. And yet most people, just like you, stay in dangerous and unhealthy situations. They may do so out of misplaced loyalty to the abuser or because they have been brainwashed into believing that the abuse is their own fault. And they may believe that the shame of admitting the problem to the outside world would be worse than the pain of staying where they are.

There is no reason strong enough to cause you to stay in an abusive home. We don’t know enough details to be able to tell you whether it is wise to move out by yourself, to move out with others who also need protecting, or to report the violence to the police. But we believe that God knows your situation and He can lead you to make the right decisions.

God loves you and cares about what you are going through and what you have been through during your entire life. He wants to help you and to guide you if you are willing to follow His lead. But to be willing to follow, you must get up and get moving. God will not supernaturally carry you out of that house; you must do that yourself. Pray, ask for God’s wisdom, and then move!

Of course, removing yourself from the abusive situation is just the beginning of a healing process. We strongly suggest that you find a support group for victims of violence and abuse. But more importantly, we believe that you need to pursue a personal relationship with God through praying, reading the Bible, and communicating with people whose lives are committed to serving Him.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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