My husband separated from me without giving me a reason and without leaving the house. He just moved into another bedroom. I have asked him why, but he won?t give me any answers....

I have accepted the separation, and I don?t even love him anymore, but I am fond of him because he is the father of my children. Since the time that he separated from me five years ago, I have not [participated fully in the ordinances of my church]. I believe I?m not worthy to do so because, while he acts like everything is fine in front of family and friends, I lie by hiding the fact that we are separated.... What should I do? I feel like a liar. They love him a lot because they believe he is a model husband.

Dear Friend,

First of all, we want to congratulate both you and your husband for staying true to your marriage vows in spite of this issue. It has been better for the children to grow up in a home that has a mother and a father, unless there is animosity between the two of you that has erupted into physical or verbal violence. You say that you are still fond of him, so we will assume that there is no open hostility in your home.

Our first thought, assuming that you haven?t left out an important part of the story, is that your husband has a physical condition that makes him want to avoid intimate contact. We will not speculate on the specifics, but there are many physical conditions that could be the cause. He may be afraid to tell you or is embarrassed by what is happening. Some men would rather sacrifice anything than admit weakness.

If you did know that your husband was sick, and that his illness made it necessary to refrain from intimate contact, would you feel like you were a liar because you didn?t reveal all the details to friends and family? We don?t think so. Some things are very personal, and other people do not need to be told. It is not their business. So just refraining from revealing personal details is not at all the same as lying.

Because you feel guilty about the situation, you should tell your husband that you will not lie about what is going on. If someone asks specifically if you are sharing the same bedroom, you will tell the truth. However, it is quite unlikely that anyone will ask unless you reveal other details first. It is not lying when you keep personal things to yourself.

Unless there is more that you have not mentioned, you should participate in the church?s ordinances with a clear conscience. You are following Biblical principles by staying true to your marriage even though it is difficult. You are doing the right thing for your children by continuing to live with their father. And you are protecting your husband?s reputation by keeping the matter private.

Having specifically answered the question that you ask about, we encourage you to pray to God for the wisdom that you need to settle the related issues that you are facing.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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