I am a twenty-seven-year-old married man.... Some months ago, I lost my wife because of my bad attitudes and decisions.... We have a three-year-old son, and... I’ve always wanted to make a home for him. But at this moment I have no contact with the boy’s mother.

I ask God, first, that he will forgive me for all my mistakes, and also that he will restore our home. There are days when my faith falters, because I notice that she is living a normal life with her parents and she has decided to take some time for herself.

Dear Friend,

It is good that you have admitted to having made bad choices and to having bad attitudes. But for us to know how to advise you, that is not sufficient information.

A bad decision, in my way of thinking, is deciding to leave my coat at home on a cold day. The consequence is that I feel cold all day, but I am not harming anyone by my bad decision.

Another bad decision might be to try and carry too much water in a big bucket. The consequence could be that the water spills, causing a time-consuming clean up. Again, I am not harming anyone by my bad decision.

Mistakes, on the other hand, are generally very similar to bad decisions but are usually accidental. For example, it would be a mistake if I counted my money and then didn’t have enough for my purchase, or if I forgot to close the window, and the rain got everything wet.

However, bad decisions and mistakes are not the same as sin. Sin is when we do something that breaks God’s law. The Ten Commandments are God’s primary guide to what is considered sin.

Did you lie to your wife? Did you hurt her physically? Did you commit adultery? If so, you not only betrayed her, but you also sinned against God. If you are genuinely sorry and ask God to forgive you, He will take away your sin. But when we sin against people, it is not that easy.

If you sinned against your wife, you broke the trust that there was between you. And when trust is broken with a spouse, it takes a considerable amount of time to rebuild it. Just saying that you are sorry is not enough. It is almost like having to go back to the starting line in the relationship.

However, unless you have been abusive, you have a legal right to see your child. If your wife refuses, you may need to get legal help from a government agency. Either way, when you do communicate with your wife regarding your son, make sure that you have a good attitude, no matter what, and that you do not get angry. Show her the same treatment and respect as if you were meeting for the first time. Show her through your actions that you are striving to become a person who is worthy of her trust.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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