I am a thirty-year-old professional woman with a successful career, but when it comes to romantic relationships I have not had the same outcome. I had a boyfriend for several years, but he was unfaithful to me. Because of that, I have remained single....

[I moved to another city, and when I started my work on a project I met] a man. As soon as I saw him I felt attracted to him, and it was the same for him. We chatted for a few days, and he told me that his ex-girlfriend had also been unfaithful.... He said that he’s not ready for a new relationship, that he needs to be healed before he can give healthy love. My question is: should I continue talking with him or stay away from him for good?

Dear Friend,

We are sorry to hear that you were betrayed by your ex-boyfriend. However, it was fortunate that you found out that he was a cheater before you could marry him!

We congratulate you on your professional success. It says a lot about your character that you pursued and accomplished your career in spite of the hard work and sacrifice that it required.

Regarding your question, this is not a matter of right or wrong. It is not wrong to continue talking to your new friend, nor would it be wrong to decide to stay away from him.

You say that you feel attracted to the man and you want to pursue the relationship, but it appears that he has not yet gotten over the other girl. So even though he feels attraction for you, she may still occupy first place in his heart. What an honest man he is to admit that he’s not ready to move on! Isn’t it better that you know from the beginning that she is still in his heart in spite of the fact that he doesn’t want her to be there? He may feel angry or betrayed by her, but he still hasn’t been able to leave her in the past.

It is best to recognize that there is more to this situation than just feelings. Feeling attraction or romantic love can get you into real trouble if you don’t also assess the reality of the situation. Those who are wise are able to restrain feelings and act on logic. Those who are foolish, on the other hand, act on feelings alone and then generally live to regret it.

In your situation, we recommend that you remain friendly with this man, but don’t have your hopes up that he will ever be more than a friend to you. He obviously needs someone to talk to, so you can be a friend without expecting anything in return. Will it be difficult? Yes, of course! And if you find it to be too difficult, you can stop being friendly at any time. But the more friends you have, the greater the opportunities you will have for finding success in love.

We also recommend that you ask God to lead you and help you discern how friendly you should be. Ask Him to guard your heart and to help you act on logic and not on your feelings alone.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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