I met my wife twelve years ago. She had a seven-month-old daughter. The biological father of her daughter had abandoned them.... He had even told my wife, when she was pregnant, that she would have to abort the baby if she wanted to stay with him. I came into her life and offered my help. Today we have three more children.

The biological father reappeared, and my wife has now been seeing him for almost a year, on account of their daughter, according to her. I have been insulted and maligned by this man. What I haven’t been able to get over is that he recently sent me messages saying that my wife is cheating on me, but he didn’t say with whom.

What should I do? I want to talk to her, but I want to wait and see what else that man has to tell me.

Dear Friend,

We are very thankful to hear that your wife was strong and that she was not intimidated into aborting her child. By choosing the baby’s life, even though it broke up her relationship, she chose to follow God’s plan to preserve life no matter what the cost.

Unfortunately, what is happening now is not unusual. Anytime that a child is involved in the break-up of a relationship, everyone suffers. In your case, your wife’s daughter is suffering from the confusion of having two dads and from the disagreements among all the adults. But we are thankful that she is alive and healthy. With your help, she will be able to get past all of this unpleasantness and grow into a well-adjusted adult.

However, we can’t help but wonder what possible motivation the biological father has to try and bring trouble into your marriage by telling you that your wife is cheating on you. The only thing that makes sense is that his goal is to break up your marriage by carrying out a plan to get you out of your wife’s life.

We may be wrong, but it seems that he would not have any motivation to cause a break-up if your wife were romantically involved with him. In fact, he would probably keep that as a secret, instead of telling you.

Likewise, if your wife were involved with someone else, why would this guy want you to know? It sounds like he is just a jealous, mean-spirited man.

Don’t wait another day to show your wife those messages that you have received! Give her a chance to tell you the truth instead of relying on the questionable word of the other guy. Anytime you have doubts about your wife, start by asking her rather than accusing her.

The fact that your wife has helped her daughter to see her biological father is a good thing. Children are better off if they can have a good relationship with their biological parents as well as any stepparents. However, you would be right to accompany your wife to the meetings with this guy, as uncomfortable as that would be for you. He needs to see that the two of you are joined together in doing the right thing for his biological daughter. Decide that you will not let him cause you to get angry and say things that you will later regret. Show him that he does not control you and that you can remain calm no matter what. But if you cannot remain calm, then ask a family relative or close friend to always accompany your wife, instead of you.

If you do find that your wife has been having a romantic relationship with this man or any other, then please try to work things out with her for the sake of all your children. We suggest that you seek professional help in making that possible.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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