I ask God for a wife, but every woman that I like is not attracted to me. How can I find the one who will be my wife?

Dear Friend,

Thank you for asking this important question. There are many people who may be interested in the advice that we have for you.

When you say that the women that you like are not attracted to you, it sounds as if you have good friends who are women, but they think of you only as a friend and not as a potential romantic partner. That is actually very good, because it demonstrates that you know how to first be a friend. Those who try to have romantic relationships without first being friends are basing their expectations on what they have seen in movies.

Movies often portray a man and a woman locking eyes across a crowded room. There is some kind of spark between them, and they focus on moving toward one another. When they meet, the spark of attraction bursts into flames and they fall madly in love, almost instantly. They don’t know anything about each other, but they are strongly attracted to one another, so they begin a romantic relationship.

A few months later, these same two people are arguing all the time and don’t understand how they fell out of love so quickly. They have come to know one another better, and they don’t like the person that they now know. They are disillusioned and feel betrayed because the flames have fizzled out and their hopes for a long-term future together no longer seem realistic. Why couldn’t we see it coming? Because the movie always ends before we get to that part.

Since it is impossible for real love to grow between two people who don’t really know one another, it is foolish for you to consider a long-term relationship with a woman until you really know her and she knows you.

Let’s consider one of the women that you have liked. What qualities does she have that attract you to her? Is she kind to you and to others, or does she focus more on how others need to be kind to her? Is she funny and energetic, or is she more serious and relaxed? Is she impulsive, or does she think things through before acting? Does she usually see obstacles as challenges or as roadblocks? Does she more often compliment others or complain about them? Does she spend her money wisely, or is she always in need of financial assistance? All of these are qualities that need to be considered. However, character qualities are even more important. Honesty, integrity, responsibility, and dependability are just a few of the critical ones.

To find a good wife you must first make more friends. The more volunteer opportunities, sports, and causes you are involved in, the more friends you will have. And the more of those friends that are women, the greater the chance for you to grow to know them better and to eventually fall in love.

Therefore, instead of asking God for a wife, ask Him to open up opportunities for you to make more friends and to participate in more healthy activities. Fill your life with good people and good activities, and trust God to show you your future wife when the time is right.

We wish you the best,

Linda

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